


Karkat Vantas and the (Inferior) Human Movies

by novembermond



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Movie Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 10:08:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1144711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novembermond/pseuds/novembermond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Karkat watch human movies. Karkat doesn't like them - or does he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Karkat Vantas and the (Inferior) Human Movies

Karkat stared at the TV, which was currently scrolling through credits. This had been one gogawful movie. And he had spent time watching this gogawful thing, time he’d never get back. He turned to look at John, who was sniffling, SNIFFLING, and trying to blink the tears behind his glasses away. “John?”

“Isn’t it the most wonderful scene? Like with the bunny and then they hug and, oh…” More sniffling and tear wiping. 

“You’re fucking kidding me, right? This was one of the worst movies ever, even worse than the other inferior human shit movies you have shown me! There was not even one proper kismessitude in it!”

John Egbert finally got a grip on himself and stopped crying. “Man, Karkat, you have no taste at all.” His lower lip wobbled and his buckteeth bit into it. His hands clutched the DVD cover of Armageddon, which he had wanted to show Karkat next. “If you just can’t appreciate awesomeness for what it is, where is the point in showing you all my awesome movies?” He looked like he was about to break into tears again. Karkat felt slightly guilty, even more so because he had enjoyed watching Con Air to an extent – it was stupid, but in a somewhat fun kind, completely inferior to troll movies of course – but hell if he’d ever admit it to John’s face. 

A second later John broke into a giggle. “Gotcha! Man, Karkat, it’s okay if you don’t like my movies. I know they’re awesome, that’s enough.” He put Armageddon aside. A dorky grin spread on his face like a horrible illness. Karkat knew this could mean nothing good. Cautiously, he leaned back as John leaned forward until he was almost in Karkat’s lap. “I think I got the perfect one for you. It’s about a wizard so powerful nobody can be an even match for him. So he chooses a boy from birth and shapes him up to be his kismesis. There’s also quadrant flipping among other relationships.”

Karkat swallowed, staring into John’s blue eyes. This didn’t sound half bad. In fact, it sounded too good to be true. By now Karkat knew very well humans had no quadrants and consequently no quadrant flipping. Clearly John was stringing him along. “You have such a movie?” Karkat baited him. John simply nodded. “Well, put it on, nook licker.”

+++ Ten minutes later +++

“Haha, John Human. I knew you were kidding me. This is a movie for wigglers. They are barely five sweeps old.”

“I told you the boy was going to be shaped into a kismesis from a young age. What sense would it make to start the story from when he’s an adult?” 

Karkat glanced at him. There was a twinkle in John’s eyes, proof that he was tricking Karkat. John must have caught his disbelief, for he added: “I swear to Nicolas Cage I’m not lying.” Had John sworn to something else, like his grandmother for example, Karkat would not have believed him. But Nicolas Cage, that was serious business to his fellow friendleader. Grunting, Karkat turned back to the screen.

They went through a whole bowl of snacks by the time the movie was over, ending without any of the things John had promised him. Karkat made sure to let his displeasure be known in a very loud way. “… ALSO THE WHOLE THING MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!” he ended his rant to suck in some air.

Unfazed, John turned to the TV. “Man, Karkat, show some patience. There are seven more parts.” He put on the next one. 

Halfway through the movie Karkat asked: “Is there going to be quadrant flipping with the blond dipshit?” John giggled, but he wouldn’t say, even when Karkat started to tickle him, careful to only apply the slightest pressure with his claws. 

When this one ended Karkat complained even louder. “THIS STILL MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL! YOUR IDIOTIC INFERIOR MOVIES CAN SO MUCH NOT COMPARE TO FINE TROLL MOVIES IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY! WELL ARE YOU GONNA PUT THE NEXT ONE IN OR WHAT?”

John deduced that the more Karkat complained, the more he liked it. The crabby troll had not even bothered to think up proper insults. That must mean something. John giggled to himself and put on the next movie. He pretended not to notice how Karkat’s complaints slowly gave way to transfixed screen staring. 

And thus, Karkat Vantas was introduced to the wonder of Harry Potter.

The end.


End file.
